Fear of Commitment?

When you're attracted to extremes

Editor's Note: Yael Morowati is accepting emails for Astro Advice. It's all in good fun, but to be sure, her talent is uncanny. Email her at askyael@gmail.com. Include all pertinent signs. Identities will be redacted. 

Hi Yael!

Your column is great, and I'd love your advice. I was born March 24, 1986 at 10:38p.m., in Sarasota.  I'm a late Pisces-Aries cusp woman, Scorpio rising. For much of my life I've been pretty commitment-phobic, but lately I've been more and more open to the idea of a relationship. The problem I'm having is that I don't seem able to find any combination of signs that's as flexible in interests and temperament as I am. I worry that a Taurus wouldn't be creative enough, a Libra not grounded enough, another fire sign maybe lacking in gentleness. Any ideas? 

Cusp-ette of Invincibility

Advice Seeker's Chart:  Sun Aries, Moon in Virgo, Scorpio rising, Pisces Mercury, Aries Venus, Sagittarius Mars, and a Pisces Jupiter.  

Dear Cusp-ette of Invincibility,

Thank you for your kind words.  You have a complex chart.  By the looks of it, you are a restless woman with equal parts sensitivity and creative extremes.  

You probably crave a man who can dominate you, but your own independent streak would hate to be controlled.  You are attracted to extremes, either very fiery and magnanimous types or cool and shallow.  

You appear to be more intense than you actually are.  You are reserved and logical in your emotions, but your external appearance ruled by Scorpio shadows your logical nature.  You have probably attracted many men who are drawn to your fiery and passionate persona, but internally you crave more stability and comfort.  

You need a man who knows how to be your friend, set you free, and respect your strengths without feeling threatened by you.  Most men don’t make the cut, simply because you have so many requirements and won’t settle in life.  Taurus would be too confining for your tastes and Libras will be pleasant for a time being, but you will get bored by their indecisive nature.  

In love, you need to look at your Venus in Aries.  Aries in Venus indicates boldness and assertiveness, which may be conflicting with your Virgo moon.  I know you may hate this, but you oscillate between two extremes, the need to be dominated and the need to dominate.  You have to come to terms with what is more important to you.  

Also, don’t compromise your nature.  I would argue that you are not commitment-phobic, but rather, you love your independence more than being contained by someone.  You need to work on shifting your view of relationships.  

If you approach a relationship in matters of a deep and long-lasting friendship, you will not fear it.  You will get exactly what you need: a friend with whom you can expand your mind and soul.  Don’t forget you are a highly sensitive and spiritual person, and for you, spiritual growth is of the utmost importance.  Don’t let your fears get the best of you.

Thus, I would look for the following combinations an (early Leo or Sagittarius Sun) with a (Taurus, Capricorn, Cancer, Pisces, or Scorpio Moon) or an (early Libra or Aquarius Sun) with a (Taurus, Capricorn, Cancer, Pisces, or Scorpio Moon).  Since you are an early Aries, you would be best with an early fire or air sign with earth or water moons.  I hope this helps.  Keep me posted.


a March 14, 2011 at 08:48 AM
Thank you for your thoughtful words; they've been percolating in my head as of late. A close family member of mine is a Leo. Due to our poor relationship, I always avoided my fellow fire signs in attempts to keep the peace - and consequently in the relationships I did build, there was never any fighting, but also never any real connection or engagement. It's been hard but eye-opening for me to acknowledge that I repeatedly chose men who could never quite match me in life - not through any fault of astrology, but because of my own personal choices and probably because I never learned to believe in a level playing field between lovers, and I didn't want to have to face up to a challenge I feared I might lose. Now my challenge is probably going to be learning to believe in myself strongly enough to feel not that I can handle a man with whom I might not always agree (which is how I always framed it in my head before, like dating was a particularly vicious rodeo), but that I deserve a partner who is strong enough both to stand up to me and to stand beside me, and also strong enough in himself to let me be myself. I doubt that's going to be easy. But I no longer doubt that it's a) possible and b) worth it.


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