Family Talk: What About the Hard Knock Children?

Last night I was watching a football game, that my husband had recorded, with my son. Since my son started watching football, just this season, he has been all consumed with the games, teams and players.

He loves to listen to all of the commentary and is already a mini whiz on this year's stats. During the game, one of the sportscasters spoke of the tough childhood a player for the New Orleans Saints, Jimmy Graham, had; We were told he lived in a number of foster homes with various foster parents.

Listening closely, my son, not understanding, turned to me asked, "what's a foster home and what are foster parents?" I explained the best I could the circumstances under which a child would have to live in a foster home (parents are unable to care/provide for the child, death, but I did leave out abuse), and why he/she would have to live in more than one (not being adopted, which spurred a small explanation surrounding adoption). He seemed to get the concept pretty well, but could only fathom that the reason for the parents of a child not being there with them would be due to death.

Now, going into the subject, I did choose my words carefully as I understood that this might be something that he (my son) could think of as happening to any child, including himself, if I didn't explain correctly.

I have always been of a mind to always try and explain things , and daughter for that matter. I don't think it's good to sugar coat reality. Kids are much smarter than many parents think, and I would hate for my son to look at me apprehensively when I am explaining something with which he's unfamiliar. I do, however, know that these explanations of have to be age appropriate, as to, first not scare them, and, second, to make sure that they do have an understanding of what we are discussing and don't leave feeling more confused than when we began.

My son's reply, "wow, that's sad that he never knew his parents" shows me that he did get the basic concept, which seemed to satisfy his inquisitive thought and desire to understand what one of the players has been through. A positive highlight, which the sportscaster did make, was of how far the player has come, now being a professional football player in the NFL, illustrating another factor I try and stress to my kids daily -- work hard enough and you can achieve anything.

Who would have thought a football game would spark such a conversation, with such serious connotations and examples of great triumph? How do you handle those serious questions about harsh realities?