Astro Advice: Should We Separate?

Dear Yael,

It's nice to meet you! I was born June 21, 1978 at 6:10 AM in Jerusalem.  My boyfriend's birthday is July 11, 1977 (I do not know his exact time, but he was also born in Israel). 

Lately, he and I have been having a lot of difficulties in communicating.  We fight all the time.  We have a beautiful three-year old daughter.  Due to our problems, we decided to take some time off a few days ago.  

Since we have a child together, this is a very big decision to make.  I don't know whether to fight for this relationship or to separate.  I want what's best for my daughter and at the same time, I don't want to be in an unhappy relationship.  We tried therapy which didn't seem to work.  I would like to know what astrological and other types of advice you could offer.

Thank you! All the best,

Anonymous 

Advice Seeker's Chart:  Ascendant Leo, Sun Cancer, Moon Aquarius, Mercury Leo, Venus Virgo, Mars Virgo, and Jupiter Cancer.  

Partner’s Chart:   Sun Cancer, Moon Taurus, Mercury Leo, Venus Gemini, Mars Taurus, and Jupiter Gemini.

The moon governs needs, emotions, moods, and habits; Mars rules defense mechanisms and thought processes; Mercury governs communication; Venus rules the world of love, pleasure, and desires; and Jupiter is the career sign.

Dear Anonymous,

While looking at your chart, I noticed a few characteristics which should be noted.  A general understanding of your own astrological chart, I hope, will lead to a better understanding of yourself as well as your relationship with your boyfriend.  

A Cancer Sun and Aquarius Moon indicates that you are sympathetic, sociable, impulsive, and unconventional.  You also have an extremely strong intuition, imagination, and overall empathy for others.  As you have a Leo Ascendant, you appear as proud, courageous, candid, frank, persistent, and egocentric.  Your desire for power in life makes you assume roles of leadership.  You are extremely imaginative, and driven to succeed in whatever you choose.  Your chart also indicates that you thrive off of being needed and thus you have a wide-circle of friends.  

You are also very generous and kind. However, you have a difficult time forming long-lasting relationships, because you are afraid you will lose your freedom and not be able to assume the necessary responsibilities in life.  You are a lover of love.  You need to give, but you also have a deep desire to be loved.  You are very generous in love, but you can be so self-deprecating at times that you often look to other people to make you feel better about yourself.  

Overall, you have a very creative, sensitive, passionate and driven personality.  Regarding you in relationships, I suggest that you spend some time reflecting on your own nature.  I’m not even referring to your boyfriend’s chart just yet, because I think understanding yourself and your own mechanisms first will shed some light in all of your affairs.  You appear different than your true nature. You are more sensitive than you come off.  

On the other side, when you are confronted, your tendency is to lash out with your words and actions.  When your fiercely fiery and impulsive personality is ignited, there is no stopping it.  

Both you and your boyfriend have your Mercury in Leo.  Mercury rules communication.  Thus, both of you use dramatic and colorful language.  Both of you also have a tendency of taking your disputes too personally, since both of you want to be recognized as individuals and heard.  Both of you are too attached to your egos and your pride. 

 Thus, after carefully considering your question, I suggest: don’t give up.  People seem to think that by leaving a relationship, they will find a better person elsewhere.  You and your boyfriend have a child together.  She is your top priority, as you have already indicated.  

Understand your two natures exclusively, and apart from each other.  Both of you are intensely emotional individuals and you cling to powerful and often times, very hurtful language to break the other person down.  Take a breath.  Think twice.  Neither of you is in the right.

Once you realize that you can dictate the outcome, then you can assume more responsibility in the relationship.  Take back your power and give each other space to breathe.  Both of you have a tendency of building up your emotions, internalizing, and then subsequently exploding.  You don’t need more therapists or more advice.  

You need to make a decision that this is something worth fighting for. Once you get over dreaming that the grass is greener on the other side, you can really look at each other as you are.  Decide to communicate differently. Write to each other. Make sticky notes all over the house. The fridge. The bed. Everywhere.  Reminder notes.  Don’t use your language to break the other person down. Use it to build your family up.

Yael